It's funny how life is, how this whole thing came about, how it crushed me and made me fell into dust yet I'm still here able to write..

A whole year went by, and with sadness I have to deliver this news to you today; it's official world, I'm really homeless. I moved into the shelter two months ago, my friends have abounded me, my family have disowned me, the whole world have darkened my spirit and soul. 

Sometime in 2009 I finished my studies, after a hard struggle of a sexual assault, after court days and nights of horror, I was able to graduate from school. I wasn't happy coz I was broken by two evil spirited men, no one understood me, no one offered me to heal, I wasn't ready to go out to the real world while bleeding but hey I went out still. 

Slowly I kept falling, slowly I kept losing me and still no one noticed, no one offered to help, no one. I kept  thinking to myself how did I end up here in this shelter, I don't know!!!! I don't know world... But it didn't happen in a day or night, it happened slowly, so very slowly that it was easily prevented if someone reached out to pull me up, but no one did..

I now see, this world we are in, is a very mean cruel world. People are fake, families are too busy pretending. Now I understand how my father felt when he said I was a mistake that shouldn't have happened. 

Now I know how my mother felt leaving me at the age of nine with two younger siblings and a drunk father to deal with. 

Now I know how all that was possible because I'm able to see clearly from down here.

my heart if not my soul that is broken, words spoken but yet never strong for you to hold in. I breathe my question of god, I write and ask if there is one up above. I look around and see nothing but faces/ faces of laughter or cries ...both I can not deniy ....

Reply to arablady latest post :D Dated 1st of Dec.

Yes I totally agree that in today's world its much easier for a person (be it man or woman) to become homosexual. And thats not only in Arab world but in the whole world as all, again you do impress me with your mind. Your a very smart woman, too bad that your Arab (as if am not :p) well what I mean is that it's too bad your living in such place where your seen as object and worst you get evaluated as if your a silly project and as if you were born to be a housewife and a child birth machine. And ironically enough, after you've been used and abused in many ways then will just re-marry another woman while still keeping you to use and abuse under the religion name. Such a corrupt system, worst is when all become blind to not question or ask or even THINK of what is right and what is wrong. They are all busy of what is used to be, what a man did thousands of years ago should be done today? Stupid and silly but am seriously happy to read your blog and see you post boldly.

Myself on the other hand I can't express as you do arablady, simply cos' I get extremely emotional and start cursing on everything which at the end of the day pisses everyone off leaving a no win situation. I also admire the ability of not having a comment option on, well for me I'll leave it on for as many haters I get, I feel way better inside :D

Okay my week is going to be busy with final exams, just wanted to let you know that and soon will post again. Till then take care =)

Why Islam world would always stay backwards from the rest!

As a Muslim women, I have the right to comment on the teacher that named a teddy bear Mohammed. for full story click here.



Okay first let me tell you how we MUSLIMS are so STUPID and BACKWARDS!



We MUSLIMS are so UNGRATEFUL and EVIL. We are the bones of SATAN and seriously what is happening today through ISLAM to others is what REAL ISLAM made of. I don`t give a fuck on what others would say about me, this has gone way too far.



I mean for god sake it was just a fucking TEDDY BEAR, a teddy bear. I know there is a lot of kids out there who call their dolls AISHA or FATIMA why don't a shit head stopped them. And seriously come on now, Mohammed is NOT NOT NOT a copyrighted name or even a trademark. There are zillions out there named Mohammed, why are we so dumb I mean our prophet had another name beside Mohammed which is Ahmed, fuck you all god fuck me with you coz I call myself Muslim. Seriously Islam is the biggest joke of the world. I`m so bothered of such news, please grow up and think outside the minds you call brain.


 

I'm still having my dark days: as a woman. I'm still swimming deep within my thoughts of finding reality and what it really means! I'm helpless at the moment thats why I can't help others, not the kids nor the women. I aim to help myself first, only then I'd be able to reach out for others to embrace.

Life is not kind, and its not 'cos am evil or bad. Am as good as the word good means to me. The cruelty of life and mankind is all raising from lies. Lies thats old and new, lies that you hear and know everyday. Lies that you question silently inside you but not aloud. For the truth is only for those who lost it, those who are marked evil and judged to burn in another lie called hell.


Human beings are the most helpless creatures alive on the planet earth. Those creatures have small brains, small thoughts and small reasons. Those creatures love to fallow instead of lead and love to believe in something that they don't REALLY understand. Sadly am one of these creatures now, am a human in this lifetime. It's not a happy time or even a happy task to be a human!

I live like a machine and to others am just a broken project, ironically enough they are holding their breath for my fixing end.

Everything I see makes me cry; the man that cuts down tree branches outside my window makes me cry and the helpless children in the plan foster advertisement makes me cry. I’m so true and connected to nature and the world today and yet I so much want to keep the world outside. How could I live day to day complaining on silly issues when there is so much suffering and pain in this world? What can I do to help, am already able to see, am already able to feel and be connected to the world. I want to help others; I want to help children of all walks of life. I WILL HELP THESE CHILDREN

I need to breathe, am sick of being under everyone's charm and spell. Ever since I was borned, I was programed to believe into shit that doesn't matter anymore. And if I pull you from your neck and threw you into shit I've been through, you'd cry for mercy! you see thats why am me NOW and am happy!....